Chapter 14: A Heart in Conflict

Emma spent several days avoiding her own thoughts.

Unfortunately, thoughts were difficult to avoid when they followed her everywhere.

She loved Mr. Knightley.

The truth remained unchanged each morning.

It waited for her at breakfast.

It followed her through the gardens.

It sat beside her during conversations.

And it returned every night before sleep.

For years she had believed herself above such confusion.

Marriage was unnecessary.

Romance was entertaining but not essential.

Other people fell in love.

Emma arranged their stories.

Now she understood how foolish that confidence had been.

Love was not orderly.

Love did not ask permission.

Worst of all, Harriet loved him too.

At least Harriet believed she did.

The thought tormented Emma.

One afternoon Harriet arrived at Hartfield looking happier than Emma had seen her in weeks.

That happiness immediately alarmed her.

“You seem cheerful today,” Emma said.

Harriet blushed.

“Do I?”

Emma's heart sank.

“Has something happened?”

“Nothing important.”

That answer meant something important had absolutely happened.

After much hesitation Harriet confessed that she had encountered Mr. Knightley during a walk.

The meeting had lasted less than five minutes.

Mr. Knightley had asked after her health.

He had spoken kindly.

He had wished her a pleasant day.

Nothing more.

Yet Harriet described the event as though it were a chapter from a romance novel.

Emma listened quietly.

Every word hurt.

Not because Harriet intended harm.

Because Harriet was innocent.

She truly believed kindness meant affection.

Exactly as she had once believed about Mr. Elton.

The cruel irony was impossible to ignore.

Emma had created this situation herself.

By encouraging Harriet to think beyond her natural expectations.

By teaching her to interpret attention as possibility.

By convincing her she belonged wherever her heart wished to go.

Now Emma was suffering from her own lessons.

That evening she walked alone through Hartfield's gardens.

The summer air was warm.

Birds sang in the distance.

Everything around her seemed peaceful.

She felt anything but peaceful.

What if Harriet truly married Mr. Knightley?

The thought struck like a blade.

Emma stopped walking.

For the first time she allowed herself to imagine it clearly.

Harriet at Donwell Abbey.

Harriet as Mrs. Knightley.

Harriet living the life Emma had never realized she wanted.

The vision was unbearable.

Emma covered her face with her hands.

At last she admitted the full truth.

She could not lose him.

She simply could not.