Chapter 13: A Summer Without Looking Back

The news about Boston spread faster than I expected.

By the end of the school day, half my class knew I had been accepted into the summer leadership program.

Sophie nearly tackled me in the hallway.

"Boston? Aurora, that's amazing!"

Mia grabbed both my hands.

"You have to take pictures of everything. And I mean everything."

I laughed.

"I'm only going for a few weeks, not moving to another planet."

"Same difference," Mia declared dramatically.

Ethan stood beside us, looking far less excited than everyone else.

"Congratulations," he said.

"That's all?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"I already knew you'd get in."

I blinked.

"You did?"

"Your application was good."

"You read it?"

His expression changed immediately.

"You asked me to proofread it."

I smiled.

"I know. I'm just teasing you."

Ethan looked away.

His ears had turned slightly red.

Mia noticed too.

Her eyes widened.

I gave her a warning look before she could say anything.

She pressed her lips together.

Barely.

***

Unfortunately, someone else had heard the news too.

I was putting my books into my locker when Cole appeared beside me.

For a moment, neither of us spoke.

Then he looked down.

"Boston?"

"Boston."

"For how long?"

"Three weeks."

He nodded slowly.

"When do you leave?"

"At the beginning of summer."

His fingers tightened around the strap of his backpack.

I could practically see the thoughts running through his mind.

Three weeks had probably sounded insignificant to everyone else.

But Cole and I had spent almost our entire lives within walking distance of each other.

We had never really been apart.

Not for long.

"That's good," he finally said.

I looked at him.

"Good?"

"Yeah."

He forced a small smile.

"You deserve to see more than this neighborhood."

Something about that answer surprised me.

The old Cole would have complained.

He would have called Boston too far.

He would have joked about how I couldn't survive without him for three weeks.

Instead, he simply said I deserved to go.

I nodded.

"Thank you."

His smile became more genuine.

Then I closed my locker and walked away.

No argument.

No dramatic confession.

No attempt to stop me.

Just a conversation.

And somehow, that was enough.

***

A few days later, I found Amber sitting alone behind the school gym.

I hadn't gone looking for her.

I was taking a shortcut to the library when I noticed her.

She was sitting on the concrete steps with her knees pulled to her chest.

Her phone lay beside her.

For once, there wasn't a crowd around her.

No guys laughing at her jokes.

No audience.

No carefully constructed smile.

She looked up when she heard my footsteps.

Her expression immediately hardened.

"What do you want?"

"Nothing."

I continued walking.

"Wait."

I stopped.

Amber looked uncomfortable.

More uncomfortable than I had ever seen her.

"You're really going to Boston?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

I frowned.

"Because I got accepted."

"No, I mean... why do you want to leave?"

I stared at her.

The answer seemed obvious.

"I don't want to leave because I'm unhappy," I said.

"I want to go because I have the opportunity."

Amber went quiet.

I should have left.

Maybe I would have, if she hadn't suddenly asked another question.

"Do you hate me?"

That caught me off guard.

I thought about it.

Really thought about it.

Once, I had hated her.

I had replayed every insult.

Every laugh.

Every time she made me feel small.

But hatred required energy.

And I was tired of giving her mine.

"I don't know," I answered honestly.

Amber's face fell.

"But I don't want to spend my life thinking about you either."

She stared at the ground.

"You really changed."

"No," I said.

"I think I just stopped apologizing for who I already was."

For several seconds, Amber didn't speak.

Then she whispered something I almost didn't hear.

"I'm sorry."

I looked at her.

She still wasn't looking at me.

"For what I said. About your clothes. Your skin. Everything."

Her fingers curled into fists.

"I was jealous."

I raised an eyebrow.

Amber gave a humorless laugh.

"You were always so comfortable being yourself."

"I hated that."

I almost laughed at the irony.

Comfortable?

For months, I had been anything but.

But maybe that was the difference.

Even when I doubted myself, I had still kept choosing the things I liked.

The pink clothes.

The strawberry milk.

The stupid little hair clips.

I hadn't realized how much strength there was in refusing to become someone else.

"I'm not going to tell you everything is fine," I said.

Amber nodded.

"I know."

"But I heard your apology."

That was all I could offer.

And for now, it was enough.

***

That evening, I began packing for Boston.

My mother stood in the doorway of my room, watching me fold clothes into my suitcase.

"You know," she said, "I was worried when you first got accepted."

I looked up.

"Why?"

"Because it's your first time being away from home for so long."

She walked over and picked up one of my sweaters.

Pink, obviously.

"Then I realized something."

"What?"

She smiled.

"You've spent your whole life with someone trying to protect you."

My hands paused.

"Cole?"

"Yes."

She sat on the edge of my bed.

"At some point, you started believing that being protected meant you needed someone to lead you."

I looked down.

My mother gently touched my hair.

"But you don't."

"You can be loved without being controlled."

"You can be protected without becoming dependent."

"And you can walk beside someone without walking behind them."

My throat tightened.

For nine years, I had followed Cole everywhere.

I had called it love.

Maybe part of it was.

But another part had been habit.

Comfort.

Fear of imagining a life where he wasn't at the center.

Now I was finally learning to imagine one.

***

On the last day before summer break, the entire class was buzzing with excitement.

People were talking about vacations.

Internships.

Parties.

College preparation.

For once, I had plans that didn't involve waiting around to see what Cole was doing.

After the final bell, Sophie and Mia dragged me into a group hug.

"Don't forget us!" Sophie yelled.

"Impossible," I laughed.

Ethan stood nearby.

He looked like he wanted to say something.

"What?" I asked.

He hesitated.

Then he held out a small envelope.

"Open it when you get there."

I took it.

"What's inside?"

"A surprise."

Mia immediately gasped.

"Oh my God, Ethan—"

"Don't," he warned.

She burst out laughing.

I slipped the envelope safely into my bag.

Then, as I turned toward the school gates, I saw Cole standing near the entrance.

He wasn't blocking my path.

He wasn't waiting for me.

At least, that's what he would probably claim.

Our eyes met.

He gave me a small nod.

I returned it.

And then I kept walking.

Because this time, I wasn't walking away from Cole.

I was walking toward something else.

Something new.

Something that belonged entirely to me.

And for the first time in a very long time, I couldn't wait to see what came next.