Chapter 4: The Ashes on the Floor

For the remaining days, I planned to keep the peace. Coexist. Get through it.

I didn't plan on Pepper knocking over my father's urn.

The ashes spilled across the floor.

She didn't look sorry.

She let her cat pee on them.

Then she turned to me, smiling.

"Look, sis. Ashes make great cat litter."

For a few seconds, I couldn't breathe.

I stared at the gray dust scattered across the hardwood floor. Some of it had landed on the edge of the rug. Some had been caught beneath the cat's paws. The rest lay in a small, horrible pile exactly where my father's urn had fallen.

My father's ashes.

The only thing I had left of him.

Pepper watched my face carefully. She was waiting for me to explode.

I didn't.

I crouched down slowly.

My injured hand throbbed as I reached for the small velvet cloth I'd kept beside the urn. I used my good hand to gather the ashes, one tiny amount at a time.

Pepper laughed behind me.

"Seriously? You're actually crying over that?"

I kept my eyes on the floor.

"Please leave me alone."

"Oh, come on. It's just dust."

Her voice was light, almost playful.

"You always make everything so dramatic."

I swallowed hard.

"It was my father."

Pepper shrugged.

"And? He's dead. You can't exactly bring him back."

Something inside me went completely still.

I looked up at her.

For the first time, I understood that there was nothing I could say that would make her feel ashamed.

She didn't feel guilty.

She didn't feel sorry.

She simply didn't care.

Footsteps sounded in the hallway.

My mother appeared first.

Her eyes immediately went to Pepper.

"What happened?"

Pepper's expression changed instantly.

Her shoulders trembled. Her eyes filled with tears.

"Mom, I didn't mean to."

She pointed toward the floor.

"I was trying to move the urn because the cat was scratching around it. I slipped."

I stared at her.

That wasn't what happened.

My mother looked at me.

"Rowan?"

I waited.

Just once, I thought she might ask what really happened.

Just once, I wanted her to look at me before deciding who was guilty.

Instead, her face tightened.

"Don't start something."

My mouth fell open slightly.

"I didn't say anything."

"Your face says enough."

Pepper sniffled beside her.

"I already apologized, Mom."

She hadn't.

Not once.

My mother immediately put an arm around her.

"It's okay, sweetheart. Accidents happen."

Then she looked at me again.

"You need to stop making everything harder than it has to be."

I looked down at the ashes in my palm.

"She let the cat pee on them."

The room went quiet.

My mother frowned.

"I'm sure she didn't do it on purpose."

Pepper lowered her head.

"I would never disrespect Uncle's memory."

I almost laughed.

The lie was so effortless.

My mother sighed.

"Rowan, enough. Clean this up and put the ashes back in the urn."

I stared at her.

"You want me to clean it?"

"Who else is going to do it?"

That question answered everything.

I lowered my eyes.

"Fine."

I spent the next hour on my knees.

Every grain mattered to me.

I searched between the floorboards. Beneath the rug. Along the edge of the furniture. I used a soft brush and a piece of paper to gather what I could.

My mother and Pepper eventually left the room.

Neither of them helped.

Neither of them apologized.

When I finally finished, the urn looked smaller than before.

I held it against my chest.

My father had been gone for years, but this little container had always made me feel like some part of him was still close.

Now even that felt contaminated.

I carried the urn upstairs.

My bedroom door was half-open.

I stopped.

There were boxes everywhere.

Wedding decorations.

Pepper's baby clothes.

Camden's things.

My things had been pushed into one corner.

I walked inside and saw the suitcase I had packed for my new life sitting beside the bed.

Ten days.

Only ten days.

I didn't need to fight anymore.

I didn't need to prove anything.

I just needed to leave.

My phone buzzed.

A message from Beck.

"Did you eat?"

I stared at the simple question.

Such ordinary words.

But somehow they hurt more than everything else.

I typed back.

"Not really."

His response came almost immediately.

"Then eat. I'm serious, Ro."

I smiled despite myself.

"Bossy."

"Only with you."

I looked at the urn in my hands.

For the first time that day, the pressure in my chest loosened.

Then another message arrived.

"Three days until I land. I already changed my flight. I'm coming sooner."

My heart skipped.

"You don't have to."

"I know."

A second message followed.

"I want to."

I pressed the phone against my chest.

Camden had spent years telling me what I owed him.

Beck never told me what I owed him.

He simply showed up.

I sat on the edge of the bed and looked around the room I'd spent so much of my life in.

Tomorrow, I would start packing the last of my things.

The day after that, I would leave.

And this time, I wouldn't come back.

That evening, my mother knocked once before entering.

She stood in the doorway with her arms crossed.

"Your behavior today was unacceptable."

I looked up.

"My behavior?"

"You embarrassed Pepper."

I almost smiled.

"She destroyed my father's ashes."

"By accident."

"Then why did she laugh?"

My mother didn't answer.

Instead, she changed the subject.

"Camden called me."

I said nothing.

"He's very upset with you."

"That's not my problem anymore."

Her expression hardened.

"You need to think carefully before you throw away your future over one argument."

"My future?"

"Camden is still willing to marry you."

I stared at her.

"He is having a child with Pepper."

"That doesn't mean he doesn't care about you."

I let out a quiet breath.

"Mom, he told me I don't compare to her."

She looked away.

"People say things when they're angry."

"He chose her."

"He's confused."

"No. He's not."

My voice was calm.

That seemed to bother her more than if I had screamed.

"I'm leaving."

Her eyes narrowed.

"Where?"

"Away."

"With whom?"

I didn't answer.

She stepped closer.

"Is there someone else?"

I thought of Beck.

The boy who saved candy for me.

The man who bought a house because I once described my dream home when we were teenagers.

The man who was flying across the country because I told him I needed him.

I smiled.

"Yes."

My mother's face changed.

"Who?"

"Someone who doesn't need me to compete with anyone."

She stared at me as though she'd never seen me before.

"Rowan, don't make a stupid decision just to hurt Camden."

"I'm not doing this to hurt Camden."

I stood and picked up my father's urn.

"I'm doing it because I'm finally choosing myself."

I walked past her.

This time, she didn't stop me.

I locked my bedroom door behind me.

Then I opened my suitcase.

Ten days had become three.

And three days were more than enough.